Pledgebrother #2
Dan lived in the same apartment/house with me for 2 years and was literally my partner in crime. Luckily, I was never with him for any of his arrests.
Dan had the stigma of being the fraternity pothead, although in all fairness, it was mostly because he always seemed to be stoned even when he wasn't. I was actually a much bigger offender and he took the blame for plenty of my endeavors. Even his nickname "Danks" was because he supposedly always had weed. There was a period of time when you could have attached a pull string to him like a kid's toy because only four phrases ever seemed to come out of his mouth; all in his impression of Peter Griffin...
"Oh my god!"
"You think that's bad..."
"You're breakin' my balls!"
"Wanna go to Birch?" (the buffet style cafeteria at our college)
If he wasn't eating at Birch, it was McDonalds and I honestly don't know how he survived college with his diet, but then he wasn't unique in that sense.
Once we lived in the house, he had a habit of making entire pots of pasta or mac and cheese that we would devour at 3am. There was really nothing healthy about it, it's no wonder I lost 20 pounds since I left college...well I guess there's less binge drinking too.
If I could leave you with one image of Dan, it would be the night he was taken to the hospital with alcohol poisoning. The last I saw of him he was running head first into a wall after being confused as to why I was taller than him when we were standing on a hill. We had been playing a drinking game that required gambling how much had to be drank. We sabotaged his hand so he would always have to drink but he chose how much to gamble. Half a bottle of vodka later, he was calling me Dan.
Later, in the hospital, attached to an IV, he tried to go outside to smoke a cigarette and on the phone told his mom he was in his dorm and our roommate Dawson had made everything up about the hospital. Ladies and Gentleman, Dan Baum.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Tom Butler
I pledged a fraternity sophomore year! Tau Delta Phi was the backdrop for so many significant moments over the past few years of my life I could write a book about it. But I'm not going to. There are things that happened that I can't talk about, others that I don't want to.
However, I met many of my best friends there and it's time I started talking about more of them. So the next several entries will be my pledge class. Let's start with Tom.
Tom Butler is an enigma. The guy is like a superhero when it comes to being an EMT. I'd trust him with my life after a car accident. However, he's also probably the one that would have caused the accident. He's extremely responsible but completely absent minded. I've never seen somebody turn it on and off for different things quite the way Tom does.
I can say for certain that Tom is genuinely good guy. He's quick to make judgments sometimes but if he's your friend, you can count on him for pretty much anything as long as you let him know it's important. He takes care of those he cares about, friends and family and really doesn't give a shit what people think of him.
Also, one of the funniest things I've ever seen is Tom trying to get out of a wetsuit.
However, I met many of my best friends there and it's time I started talking about more of them. So the next several entries will be my pledge class. Let's start with Tom.
Tom Butler is an enigma. The guy is like a superhero when it comes to being an EMT. I'd trust him with my life after a car accident. However, he's also probably the one that would have caused the accident. He's extremely responsible but completely absent minded. I've never seen somebody turn it on and off for different things quite the way Tom does.
I can say for certain that Tom is genuinely good guy. He's quick to make judgments sometimes but if he's your friend, you can count on him for pretty much anything as long as you let him know it's important. He takes care of those he cares about, friends and family and really doesn't give a shit what people think of him.
Also, one of the funniest things I've ever seen is Tom trying to get out of a wetsuit.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
"Franklin"
R.I.P.
The P in this case stands for something other than peace. Maybe "pathetic misery" or "phar away from me".
Ever since I got promoted to the voiceover department over three months ago, my job has been made more difficult by another new assistant who just was not able to do his job effectively. We're going to call him Franklin because there's really no reason to use his real name. If his name were really Franklin, it would ACTUALLY be Frank, but he goes by Franklin. Use your imagination, it's like that.
Franklin was obsessed with protein, sugar and energy drinks. He would down pixie sticks at 9:15am. His eyes bulged out of his head like Ben on Lost, except he wasn't nearly as smart. Franklin had a tattoo on his crotch that said "Ain't it pretty?"
The amount of times and ways that he screwed up were so many that going through them could fill a book. Sometimes with people like this, you feel a little bad for them but this kid was just awful in every way. He seemed to believe he was southern even though he was born in Michigan. Going to school in North Carolina does not make you southern yet he referred to his "lingo" as part of his "Southern gentleman charm". He was anything but charming. He used basically any phrase he overheard ad nauseum. When leaving messages, he would always ask to be given a "shout" back. He would refer to studios as being "time nazis" to clients after hearing somebody say it once. He used the word "regarding" way too often. He modulated his voice in insanely creepy ways, laughed like a hyena and showed off his new tattoo like it was a baby (not the crotch one, that one was featured on facebook though). He stated once that he got it because "hot chicks at the beach love it". Without being entirely accurate, I'm going to give my impression of his message leaving.
"Hi Steven, this is your boy Franklin with 2pm at the office for double A-R-P. You'll be reading in pairs so make sure to jet over here right on time. You can give me a shout back to confirm at extension 238." Everyone came in confused the next day trying to figure out what WRP was. Also, he is not Steven's boy. Also it irked me that he never said the word audition. Also, he didn't say which agent the audition was from...this sounds nitpicky, but it's not and it was all in a voice that screamed "I'm a serial killer!"
Franklin conducted a lot of personal business using his work e-mail. He also had them ALL saved in his deleted mail folder, not completely deleted. His employment ended this week and all of his private emails became public. In reaction upon finding out, he chose to "get back at us" by making nasty comments on facebook before blocking everyone.
I'm just glad he's gone, there is literally only one other person I can think of in my post grade school life that I have disliked as much as him. In the past few days, work has changed so much. I've taken on a lot more responsibility, everybody is more relaxed and my desk has shifted giving me a ridiculous amount of space. All is well.
The P in this case stands for something other than peace. Maybe "pathetic misery" or "phar away from me".
Ever since I got promoted to the voiceover department over three months ago, my job has been made more difficult by another new assistant who just was not able to do his job effectively. We're going to call him Franklin because there's really no reason to use his real name. If his name were really Franklin, it would ACTUALLY be Frank, but he goes by Franklin. Use your imagination, it's like that.
Franklin was obsessed with protein, sugar and energy drinks. He would down pixie sticks at 9:15am. His eyes bulged out of his head like Ben on Lost, except he wasn't nearly as smart. Franklin had a tattoo on his crotch that said "Ain't it pretty?"
The amount of times and ways that he screwed up were so many that going through them could fill a book. Sometimes with people like this, you feel a little bad for them but this kid was just awful in every way. He seemed to believe he was southern even though he was born in Michigan. Going to school in North Carolina does not make you southern yet he referred to his "lingo" as part of his "Southern gentleman charm". He was anything but charming. He used basically any phrase he overheard ad nauseum. When leaving messages, he would always ask to be given a "shout" back. He would refer to studios as being "time nazis" to clients after hearing somebody say it once. He used the word "regarding" way too often. He modulated his voice in insanely creepy ways, laughed like a hyena and showed off his new tattoo like it was a baby (not the crotch one, that one was featured on facebook though). He stated once that he got it because "hot chicks at the beach love it". Without being entirely accurate, I'm going to give my impression of his message leaving.
"Hi Steven, this is your boy Franklin with 2pm at the office for double A-R-P. You'll be reading in pairs so make sure to jet over here right on time. You can give me a shout back to confirm at extension 238." Everyone came in confused the next day trying to figure out what WRP was. Also, he is not Steven's boy. Also it irked me that he never said the word audition. Also, he didn't say which agent the audition was from...this sounds nitpicky, but it's not and it was all in a voice that screamed "I'm a serial killer!"
Franklin conducted a lot of personal business using his work e-mail. He also had them ALL saved in his deleted mail folder, not completely deleted. His employment ended this week and all of his private emails became public. In reaction upon finding out, he chose to "get back at us" by making nasty comments on facebook before blocking everyone.
I'm just glad he's gone, there is literally only one other person I can think of in my post grade school life that I have disliked as much as him. In the past few days, work has changed so much. I've taken on a lot more responsibility, everybody is more relaxed and my desk has shifted giving me a ridiculous amount of space. All is well.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Mr. Harrison
My 11th grade chemistry teacher...the only chemistry teacher I ever had. In fact, this was my last legitimate science class ever. I wouldn't really count Environmental Studies sophomore year of college, especially since I accidentally slept through the first half of nearly every class...but that's a different story.
This guy was crazy. He frequently explained things to us by describing how he had explained it to his wife, Mable. It would be something like..."Mable, I think disposable lunch bags are ridiculous when you can have a reusable one!" He handed out wallet sized Periodic tables explaining to the boys that it would help us get dates. He also thought I woke up each and every morning just to go out and be a waste of potential.
In the beginning of the year, I wasn't QUITE failing. I scored 80%, exactly, without fail on every test and quiz for the few months of school. Each time when he returned the tests he'd place it on my desk and look at me. He'd shake his head and say, "So much potential." I was more interested in the girl next to me, Danielle. As far as I'm concerned it was a more worthwhile thing to pay attention to. She was my junior prom date and we're still friends to this day...what has chemistry done for me? Danielle and I bonded by sitting in the back making fun of the teacher every day but she still did considerably better than me in the class.
I'm pretty sure I only passed the class because of binder checks. These were worth 200 points and consisted of him yelling out a random piece of paper and us finding it in 60 seconds. If you weren't organized, this was deadly. I was not organized but lucked out a couple of times. I got a solid D in this class, the closest I ever came to failing.
This guy was crazy. He frequently explained things to us by describing how he had explained it to his wife, Mable. It would be something like..."Mable, I think disposable lunch bags are ridiculous when you can have a reusable one!" He handed out wallet sized Periodic tables explaining to the boys that it would help us get dates. He also thought I woke up each and every morning just to go out and be a waste of potential.
In the beginning of the year, I wasn't QUITE failing. I scored 80%, exactly, without fail on every test and quiz for the few months of school. Each time when he returned the tests he'd place it on my desk and look at me. He'd shake his head and say, "So much potential." I was more interested in the girl next to me, Danielle. As far as I'm concerned it was a more worthwhile thing to pay attention to. She was my junior prom date and we're still friends to this day...what has chemistry done for me? Danielle and I bonded by sitting in the back making fun of the teacher every day but she still did considerably better than me in the class.
I'm pretty sure I only passed the class because of binder checks. These were worth 200 points and consisted of him yelling out a random piece of paper and us finding it in 60 seconds. If you weren't organized, this was deadly. I was not organized but lucked out a couple of times. I got a solid D in this class, the closest I ever came to failing.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Curtis
This kid was mean. Like super mean. He was the reason I thought Nick was a bully, and he dated one of my distant cousins to make things worse.
I was friends with this nerdy Asian kid named Nathan and one time Curtis walked up to him in middle school and stabbed him in the arm with a pencil for absolutely no reason. He was in my homeroom in 8th grade and I was feeding the fish and he came up behind me and shoved my entire arm into the tank while I was wearing a sweater.
He's one of those perfect examples of people that made me believe I was smarter than the general populace, even if it's not true. I wanted to check up on him so I looked at his facebook page. He is still dating my cousin and he claims in his info that he likes "weird shit like anything thats blue". Man, that is weird.
Religious views: CHILLIN
Activities: GET MONEY
Political views: DEMOPUBLICAN
Some things really don't ever change.
I was friends with this nerdy Asian kid named Nathan and one time Curtis walked up to him in middle school and stabbed him in the arm with a pencil for absolutely no reason. He was in my homeroom in 8th grade and I was feeding the fish and he came up behind me and shoved my entire arm into the tank while I was wearing a sweater.
He's one of those perfect examples of people that made me believe I was smarter than the general populace, even if it's not true. I wanted to check up on him so I looked at his facebook page. He is still dating my cousin and he claims in his info that he likes "weird shit like anything thats blue". Man, that is weird.
Religious views: CHILLIN
Activities: GET MONEY
Political views: DEMOPUBLICAN
Some things really don't ever change.
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